Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen,
It has been a minute since I’ve been around these parts. Hard to believe it was just the other day I started typing up some season previews, but here we are at season’s end already. It’s a sad time for four of our eight fearless leaders, myself included.
All is not lost for us poor saps, though. Missing the Playoffs can be a great time to collect your thoughts, review what worked, what didn’t. It’s also a good time for a good ol’ fashioned RE-BRAND.
some most of your sorry asses need a DFFL-makeover. I know there’s the originals, the tried and trues: Willennium Forces, HeHateMe30s. That’s great, I can appreciate the old-school-ness. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix, right?
What if that shit’s broke though? Like really broke? Cough.. BRUMrodKOWSKI. Cough..
Well, then it’s time to fix it. At the HQ formerly known as Carr Bombers we like to get an early jump on the next season, and with that said, our re-brand is already done. Yahoo! has been updated, name changed, and we’re ready to hit the ground running next season.
So, I thought, why not help the other guys out? It is the Christmas season and all. So I took it upon myself to give you each a gift this holiday season. I’ve given y’all each a re-brand, on the DFFL-house.
A couple of quick caveats:
- I’ve left the shell of everyone’s name intact.
- I’ll explain each one a bit.
- This is for giggles, so don’t freak.
Without further ado, let’s get revealin’
Arsenal, English Premier League (currently 6th)
Let the record show that this is, without question, the worst name in tDFFL. With that said, I went with the general theme here. Deppen claims to be an “Arsenal fan,” so that’s what he gets.
Arsenal are a pretty good team in the EPL. However, they’re huge douchebags. Therefore this fits like a glove. They’re also known as “The Gunners” and have a cannon on their original logo.
That shit got wiped, and replaced it with this good dog. He’s pointing as if to say, “In this direction are the wins.” One could make the argument the red is for the bloodshed to get to the top, and the gold accents are for the 2 DFFL Championships, but that’d be dumb. This logo is all about the dog, Scooter.
Borussia Dortmund, German Bundesliga (currently 4th)
I’ll rank my top-3 later in this post, but real fast – this may be my favorite one I did. Herm is a noted Dortmund fan, so this one is perfect. The logo originally has BVB on the crest, so the new letters are hilarious.
The logo oozes simplicity and quality. Dortmund are an iconic team, with a logo that’s stood the test of time. HeHateMe30 personifies these qualities. Consistent performer, not quite gonna win the league each year, but in the thick of things always. One of the few managers to not go through a re-brand, HeHateMe30 is a DFFL-staple.
This logo is a perfect example of less-is-more. Honestly, it doesn’t even need much explaining, I just love it.
Wanted to church the basic logo up a little, and added a little flair just for fun.
Southampton, English Premier League (currently 11th)
A little while back in one of my many attempts to get people involved with soccer, Will chose Southampton has “his” team. Obviously with him not much of a follower of footy, it was mostly a dart in the dark. However, it really was a good pick. Southampton are a decent outfit, consistently top-flight and capable of knocking off the big boys from time to time.
This logo tries to take Bill’s team, and implement a DFFL-twist. Southampton are known as “The Saints,” thus the halo above the soccer ball. Given Will’s disdain for all thing soccer, it was an obvious choice to leave the soccer ball there.
Typically you’ll see in the middle of a Southampton logo, a tree and a flower. Not so fast, my friend. For Willennium Force you’ll see an homage to the Force’s original logo, as well as a little coin to represent Will’s prosperity in the DFFL. Their original colors are red and white, but I like the blue and white twist we see here.
Overall this is a bit of a busy logo, comparatively. But I do think it works, and I like the ties that bind it.
Everton, English Premier League (currently 10th)
Donnie picked Everton a few years back, and again, was a rock-solid choice. At the time things were going swimmingly for the Toffees. They had Roberto Martinez at the helm, a young Romelu Lukaku up top, a young Ross Barkley patrolling the midfield, and an old Tim Howard in goal. Now, only Barkley remains. Things have, uh, taken a bit of a downturn at Goodison Park. However, they do have Sam Allardyce managing them now, which is equal parts amazing and sad.
Anyways, this logo I also love. Everton are a classy outfit in the same vain of the Donatello, alas, their logo is a representation of that class.
Not much has been tweaked in this logo, it was already solid. Just a few nuances to help the transformation. Most notably, I’ve replaced Everton’s “Nil Satis Nisi Optimum,” which translates to “Nothing but the best is good enough,” with a bit of a new phrase. That new phrase in Latin reads “Per injurias, et nos unum sumus,” which translates to, “Through injuries, we are one.”
This thing is also on my shortlist of my favs.
Miller City F.C.
Manchester City, English Premier League (currently 1st)
This was the easiest one to choose. I wanted a re-brand, and I wanted to aspire to be something great, thus I stuck with my favorite football club and went Manchester City all the way.
This logo has just a hint left of City, with the similar color palette and circular logo. However, unlike the City logo that features a ship upon the water, I’ve decided to go with our DFFL logo affixed in the middle of my crest. As Acting Commissioner, I felt it was necessary for my brand to represent the whole of the League. Thus, I’ve included our also newly re-branded logo in the middle of mine.
I like the simplicity of mine, the homage to the League, as well as our established date. Overall a solid effort for me.
Dead Rats Walking
Leicester City, English Premier League (currently 8th)
Cullen has taken to soccer like a rat in a dumpster. I think he’s changed “teams” roughly 10 times in the last two seasons. When Leicester unexpectedly won the Premier League in the 2015-2016 season, naturally Rat hitched a ride on that bandwagon. Hard to tell where his allegiance(s) line up these days, but this one was too easy to go with Leicester, for a few reasons…
Most notably the rat. Now, Leicester are known as “The Foxes,” and on their original logo is a yellow fox face. Well, that just ain’t gonna cut it. So, I thought to myself, a rat face and ears certainly would line up alright in the vacated space of the fox. Boy, was that a good call. I literally pasted the rat face in and it fit almost perfectly without editing. I think it turned out amazingly.
Also, Leicester aren’t any good, so that also fits spot on with Dead Rats Walking. Enjoy the logo, @Rat.
The Popcorn Playas
Detroit City F.C., National Premier Soccer League (currently 2nd – I think?)
Alright, so here’s the deal. I struggled mightily with the last two for the Tys. I wasn’t sure which direction to go for Brum, nor Curlis. Ultimately I settled on Detroit City F.C. for Curlis. Here’s why.
That logo is unreal.
I mean, I didn’t even bother to read about the logo, or what it all means. It is simply too glorious. There’s so much going on. That color palette. The fleur-de-lis. I think that’s a skirt or something he’s wearing? Or a dick, I don’t know. I mean, it’s all so amazing.
So, I left it pretty by-the-book, giving it an updated name and letting the beautiful logo shine through in all its glory. I also found out while writing this, that Detroit City FC is apparently playing AFC Ann Arbor in the NPSL Playoffs (which is the 4th tier of American soccer). Who knew? The Detroit logo was more fun, otherwise you’d have a damn tree as a logo, @Curlis.
Aston Villa, English Football Championship (currently 5th)
Originally I mentioned Scooter’s Squad as being the worst name in tDFFL. BRUMrod is a damn close second.
Secondly, as I mentioned, I struggled getting a good read on Ty Cruise’s team. Ultimately I settled on Aston Villa, for two reasons.
- They suck. They were just recently relegated down, and are genuinely awful.
- It’s Randy Lerner’s team.
Those two reasons were too good to pass up.
Again, on this one I left it mostly the same. I updated the name, obviously. Also, for some reason AVFC have “PREPARED” written on an otherwise nice and clean logo. So I took the liberty to update that on Brum’s with a more apt tagline of “UNPREPARED.”
I like this one a lot, mostly because I’ve always been a sucker for AVFC’s colors, but it also fits really well with Ty’s ineptitude.
This all started on just my logo, and it got out of hand quickly. It was a lot of fun to run through these, and by no means do I expect anyone to actually use them. However, if for some odd reason you do want a copy (lol), just let me know.
My top-3 favorites, ranked:
- Dead Rats Walking
- The Donatello
In all its glory, I give you, THE DFFL FOOTBALL LEAGUE LOGO PACK: